As I drove away with my 18 month old daughter in the care of other people I just couldn't stop thinking about what we had when we were a part of the JHCCC family. I really think we all could have used some group therapy after losing our jobs with a focus on how to "let go". Little's new school is very nice and the teachers I'm sure will care for her. It's just that the magic that we experienced before is taking a while to shake off of us. No-one said, "how was her night?"; no-one asked, "does she have a favorite song?"; and no-one said, "how are you doing?" with care and concern for this emotional momma. At JH we took the extra mile always. We called moms and dads on first days or first weeks to reassure a parent that their kiddo was doing great. We wanted to hear stories from parents about their child's night, morning, or even car ride to school. I am so very proud of the care that I gave and the care Amelia and I received while we were there.
On Thursday her class is doing "hat day" which is super cute and I'm sure she will love. I laughed a bit to myself when they told me thinking, "would Paulette have allowed us to have hat day because there is always a risk of lice with hats in a toddler room?" I miss having a Paulette and I miss everyone caring so much about every single little detail at school that I felt so...safe. Sure as a teacher having so many rules we most likely complained but looking back, I feel so incredibly lucky.
Lucky that Carolyn cared if the eggs were going to crack, that Paulette cared about hats, that I cared so much about the furniture and toys I would stay for 2 hours after my shift so it was right, that Lynne cared about what noises Amelia made on the train ride over, that T cared about the water table looking amazing, that JRay cared about girls being firefighters, that Stephanie cared about the school being organized, that Linda cared about transitions, that Sarah cared about the kids feelings, that Amanda cared about music, that Erin cared about sign language, that all of Chestnut cared about things like a classroom zoo, that Ellen and Jen cared about classroom connections, that Neddie cared about those books, that N3 cared about laughing and making everything exciting, that Lisa cared about hugs, that Jen cared so much about naps, that Regina and Helen cared about making a small room a home, that Irina cared enough to engage me in conversations about education, that Warti cared if we had play-dough in the color we wanted, that Lorraine cared about singing, that Linda K cared to observe and appreciate everyone, that Stacey cared to make sure we could have the best friendship/working relationship, that Renalyn cared to teach us how to knit, that Bert cared about our troubles and Jason cared about our smiling or not, and lastly that Marcia cared about all of us.
I had a family there. This new adventure just feels like we are acquaintances. I didn't even know the teachers names when I got there. I'm sure over time it will be more of a friendship. I know I just have to let go. I have to let her play with Elmo at school even though she has it at home, I have to let her drink juice from time to time, I have to let her hold onto that stupid plastic rope that they use to walk the kids because you know what...I might be biting my lip about it but my kid loves it. She wanted to be a part of the walking line. She is going to help me on this journey. And I will always be sure to remember what we had.
This is an important time for me. While she is there I can figure out what to do with my career, I can go for a walk, or I can do laundry like I plan on doing next. I will also have more time with Charlie when he arrives this summer. Maybe I will have the opportunity to work with some of those family members again.
Here is Little having a "bana" at the table with her new friends.
Sigh...
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